Pretty late with this and almost didn't type anything but I figured it needed to be done.
I'm feeling relatively empty and frustrated. Maybe it's the sharp change in weather that's occurred, but my idea of "success" feels so far off and I almost feel like I'm not doing this shit right. I'm never working hard enough and even more so waking up feeling empty and devoid of passion just sucks.
I've been undereating and sleeping horribly for the past week. Maybe I've reached the bottom of my decline. The apartment has been a bit stressful because of insects and the quiet of loneliness most of the time. I've had other stressors floating in and out: the whole "The more you think about a thing, the more you'll never get it done" syndrome.
This emptiness is torture.
I'll do my best to take care of myself physically. I haven't been doing that. No working out, no eating and when I do, it's mostly junk. The sun is hidden more and more now. Maybe it's time to start taking supplements.
This isn't despair but just strong doubt that I'll ever become an "impressive" creator who can live off of this shit. The fight to keep this fire alive...
I don't even want to fight.