Last night became a bit turbulent. The boyfriend and I got into an argument and were miffed at each other for a bit because my CO alarm went off due to nonsense with my oven. He immediately started to panic and opened the door to my apartment, which goes directly outside. Given that I have enough to deal with insect-wise in my apartment, I told him to close the door, which angered him. As the alarm blared and squealed, I told him to just open the window which caused a point of contention because he didn’t know how to open it. While he’s freaking out, I just walked around the apartment opening both windows available and turned on the vent over the stove and then stepped outside with him.
His worry for me and my blaze attitude made him think that I don’t care about my own health. I decided not to let that switch into an argument talking about his vices and told him that panic solves nothing. Maybe it’s own naivety and overconfidence about when I’ll die, but overall, I didn’t feel inclined to freak out: the alarm did its job, which is the most we can be grateful for.
Before that, we were discussing the financial pressures that a friend is been hit with and I guess it seemed to him that I didn’t care about that either. I understand his empathy on the basis that he even lives a life where he feels crushed by his own debt. I can’t deny my own fortune that I don’t have any student loan debt thanks to my parents and my only major debt is my car loan and a credit card, both of which I manage comfortably. I just find it hard to obsess over financial woes instead of just sitting down and making budgets.
The overall point of this fits into the realm of a conversation I had with another friend Saturday: I was late for work and she immediately asks me how many occurrences I have. Now, I’m the one who referred her to my current position and I make a note of reminding her about this along with the fact that I’m relatively good at being employed. She expresses that this is how she shows she cares but then I tell her to “Worry Less, Encourage More.” I go along with the view that there are only two major emotions, vibrations in this world: Love and Fear; anything else is a deviation of the two. Though I’m sure people are genuine in their feelings, it’s interesting how this care takes the form of “concern” and thus “worry,” both of which are rooted in Fear. Whenever you take off on an unknown venture, encouragement is often laced with Fear or the Fears are mentioned more. Having been consumed with Fear and worry for so long, I push back against it now.
To truly live is to Take Action. Too many actions and much inaction is rooted in Fear; more people need to be infused and pumped with Love. Our lives need higher vibrations to increase the quality of it and our minds so we can produce happier endeavors.
It’s somewhat odd that as a very emotional, passionate person, that I can seem very “blah” and “empty” some times to the point that people think I don’t care about anything and/or I hate everything (this is one of the easiest ways to piss me off and to show that you lack any capacity for understanding me; overall, it shows that I truly don’t have any type of substantial relationship with you). However, behind that veil (niggas wish it was a wall), there’s plenty of Love in me that is rooted in action. I have lived a lot of my life inactive because of Fear, which is why I’m the constantly outlying voice in circumstances.
There’s always a way. There are always mistakes being made. But worry won’t save you. Even if your world seems to be crumbling around you financially or emotionally, you can only let yourself sulk but for so long before you commit yourself to action. Things are crushing. Things can be discouraging. But don’t worry about the people you care about; encourage them. Help them Take Action. Fill them with enough Love to pull them out of Fight-or-Flight so that they have the courage to just make a plan and Fight.
This has been a bit long and rather all over the place, but hopefully you got something from this. I’m gonna go eat some ice cream.