So I'm giving myself 10 days to get my physiology back on track. Perhaps not just my physiology: meditation will be happening as well but hey, it's all connected. I've been holed up in The Temple, doing battle with boxes of cereal and crawling critters and I just have the underlying feeling that there's more...
I miss the thrill I had when I decided to make this art thing a career, when I was about to bury myself in college debt by going to art school at any cost. I miss the excitement of learning about the processes of things and really... I didn't really retain too much of that shit.
I got big audacious dreams. Not sure if I still want to move to California within the next few years, but I would love to experience the hustle and bustle of a studio, to feel how films and shows are made. In the face of it all though, I've allowed my self-doubt to be fueled by the somber spirits and doubts of others while continually chasing approval for what I want to do.
What's the point of getting approval from people who have no type of experience in what I want to do? How ridiculous of a desire is THAT!
But yea. I started working out at home as of yesterday and I'm doing that whole eating thing and pushing myself to do it more. I'm taking deep breaths and trying to center myself more often, to capture my focus that I let get out of control. I'm overdue for a return to the truest Temple aka the gym and I'll definitely be doing that Wednesday. I MUST. Then there's the whole meditation thing... I have this itching urge to meditate for a couple hours and just do it in 20 minutes intervals or something buuuuut.
Overall, I need to take care of myself. More importantly, I need to commit to breaking this cycle I have of slumping and losing interest. I've been wanting someone to push me out of this but... I can only truly rely on myself and maybe that's the greatest step: I cannot rely on the hope that someone will help me or care enough to follow-up regularly with my changes.
So yea. New month is usually the freshest of starts for me; every breathing moment is an opportunity for greatness. I'm going back into the Japanese abyss soon and hey, why not FINALLY become fluent by the end of the year? I understand a lot more Japanese than I give myself credit and once I get into my immersive zone, I've tasted the sweet nectar of fluency. You don't need to leave the country to get good and I'm done hunting for language partners (again with the whole reliance thing).
Anyway. Hope y'all are doing great. Thanks for reading and give me a holler if this made you feel something. Bless.